Dating in the millennium is hard. We live in a world that does not necessarily respect the sacredness of chivalry or courtship, and therefore we have become okay with not expecting it in our relationships. This day and age, dating usually starts out by texting. You meet someone, exchange numbers, and begin a virtual conversation. One thing leads to another and before you know it, you guys are committed, it's 6 months down the line and he's not too thrilled about being in a relationship with you, or probably anyone for that matter. You find yourself stuck with a wiener loser guy who treats you like you're just any other girl, and you wonder if there is anything else out there. The answer is: hell yes there is, and Run Forrest, Run.
The texting usually starts out within a 48-hour period of meeting each other. This is the time that your phone/social media is being watched by your eyeball like a freaking hawk. You are obsessively checking it every 60 seconds to see if this dude has reached out to you. As soon as you have given up all hope and you're about to stuff your pie hole with Oreos and write this guy off, thank Jesus lawd, he finally texts you. You guys talk nonstop and you're waiting on pins and needles for him to ask you out. At this point, you may already be telling coworkers you have met the love of your life, you guys want 3 kids together, and are going to move to the suburbs for the better schools... because we are women, we dream up things that aren't real and we are crazy. He finally musters up the courage and motivation to ask you out, you guys meet at some chain restaurant, (shoot my rolling eyeballs off) and so it begins.
Fast forward- it's 6 months into your relationship, and the real man, or lack there of, is coming out. You're having to nag at him to treat you nicely, check in with you on occasion, put some sort of minimal effort in your relationship, and the man that you thought he once was has somehow vanished and you're with this guy who treats you half-ass and could care less about how he treats you. He doesn't remind you how special you are, puts no energy into your relationship, and you honestly can't trust him when he goes out, or out of town without you. The guy you were once super pumped about catching is now your boyfriend, and you've just realized, he isn't much of a catch at all; in fact, he's a floppy, gross, not-even-pretty fish that is all yours to call dinner.
Breaking news: this moment in your life is critical. You have come to the d-bag relationship fork in the road, welcome. I have been here too many times, and it makes me want to literally poop myself with anxiety thinking of it, so I'm sorry you're there. If you take a left, you wish him well, break up with him, and find a real man who knows what it will take to make you happy, and is willing to treat you so. If you go to the right, you stay with him. You put up with the crap, the immaturity, the arguing, with having to basically remind him to be occasionally nice to you, and before you know it, you guys have been together for a few years and you are emotionally attached to a man that could be happy with or without you.
Unfortunately, because we like to learn the hard way in our 20's, we go to the right a lot of the time. We give him the benefit of the doubt because we are comfortable with him, because we think we could be the exception to changing his bad behavior and we have a conversation with him.. maybe 25 conversations with him, and he totally gets it and changes...for about a week. You tell all of your girlfriends that he's different, that you really think that you're on track to the successful relationship station and you're so happy...for about a week. But, before you know it, you're back in the same spot with loser treating you so-so, and it's Friday night, and you find yourself crying in your closet on the phone with your best friend, because it's 3 am and he's not picking up his phone after a night of drinking with his buddies because he, "needed a guy's night out." *DON'T get me started on this- I could write an entire blog post dedicated to the BS-ness of that saying. Having some beer with a guy friend? Absolutely. Going out for a night on the town every other weekend without you- hell naw girl*.
This is going to sting a bit, but there is something you must know- you are not the exception..not because you aren't the absolute best or beautiful enough or smart enough, or are not capable or being the reason that someone changes for the better, but because people only change if they want to, and people that don't treat you well usually don't have the motivation to.
Don't lose your cool: I am here with good news. I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way it has to be. You can pick yourself up, wipe that mascara off your face, and actually move on. There are, in fact, men available who are faithful, good-hearted, successful, fully-capable of loving, as well as, attractive, sexy, and intelligent. I can now say, with literally angels singing hallelujah and doing cartwheels in the background, I am living proof that you can have this horrible experience ^^ in a relationship, or numerous relationships for that matter, and end up breaking them off, healing, and finding a man that is ridiculously head over heals for you, because I have done this. His name is Mitchell. He is hilarious, adorable, so loving, intelligent, incredibly faithful, opens my car door, brings me flowers, takes me to special dinners and events, plans the future with me, and puts thought into making me feel everything I have ever wanted to feel and some. He is the kindest man I have ever met (which is one of the absolute most important traits to find in a human you want to love forever), and I, for a damn change, feel incredibly lucky to be with him.
If you find yourself at this fork in your relationship, or maybe you're way past it and you've gone down the beaten path of a bad relationship, I am here to tell you, to beg you, to get out of it and run. Save yourself, your time, and most importantly, save your heart. There are men out there who want to make you feel as though you hung the moon because they actually believe you have done so. If we can just learn a little bit more quickly how to spot the losers and then break the cycle of bad relationships, it'll only be a matter of time before each of us finds a human, our human, that will show us how truly incredible love can be.
XX,
Kathryn Lane
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