Leap Frog

I originally started writing this blog because I was single, dating, and it was a literal joke and completely horrifying. There must have been people who felt the same way because I started getting a plethora of viewers, and so I kept writing. I would meet guys, go on dates, maybe even seriously begin to date them, and report back to my readers. It was ridiculous, it was hilarious, but at the end of the day- I was still alone twiddling my thumbs wondering if my humorous stories were actually the reality of my future. The last guy that I dated, the doctor, kind of broke my heart, well maybe not my heart, but for sure my spirit. I had high hopes for him, he was handsome, witty, obviously intelligent, and we had a great connection. After months of turning my eye to random things and behaviors of his, I realized he was not worthy of me, if not less than any of the past guys I had dated. (Do not be afraid of this sentence. There are many wonderful people out there, but there are many who do not meet your standards, therefore making your worth more important than giving them chance after chance to be decent). As disheartening as this was, it lead me to reconnect with an old friend, who I am now madly in love with. Who has surpassed every dream I could have ever had in a partner- who is constant, faithful, yet exciting. I had to date some real assholes to get to the prize- but I would get my heart singed 100 more times if it continuously lead me to Mitch.
The reason I'm being all mushy gushy is because I am in a completely different place than when I began writing this blog. I started with a single girl's mind, with a following of women and men, who found what I was saying to be ridiculous, almost unbelievable at times, yet somehow relatable. And now, I have found love and my writing criteria is completely different. Yes, I could probably pull out hilarious and awkward memories to write about for two lifetimes, but that isn't where my heart is anymore. I want to start sharing the comical reality of being in a relationship. Of the funny stuff, the sweet stuff, but also the daily struggles, weekly struggles, etc. of having another person basically be glued to your identity. I am obviously no expert, which is why I want to share with you guys. It will be raw, real, and honest. I hope you guys will come along with me throughout my new journey. I'm excited to bring you the newer blog of my life, it's still messy and ridiculous as hell- I just have someone helping me clean things up.
And if you're single, searching for the right one, I am hopeful that this will give you real confidence and encouragement that there is an absolute diamond in the rocks of this dating mess, you just have to go through some frogs to get to the worthy prince.

    

  


 

The thing is- fear can't hurt you anymore than a dream. 

    

"I still love the people of my past, even if I would cross the street to avoid them." Uma Thurman 

XX,

Kathryn Lane 

Breaking the Loser Cycle

Dating in the millennium is hard. We live in a world that does not necessarily respect the sacredness of chivalry or courtship, and therefore we have become okay with not expecting it in our relationships. This day and age, dating usually starts out by texting. You meet someone, exchange numbers, and begin a virtual conversation. One thing leads to another and before you know it, you guys are committed, it's 6 months down the line and he's not too thrilled about being in a relationship with you, or probably anyone for that matter. You find yourself stuck with a wiener loser guy who treats you like you're just any other girl, and you wonder if there is anything else out there. The answer is: hell yes there is, and Run Forrest, Run.

The texting usually starts out within a 48-hour period of meeting each other. This is the time that your phone/social media is being watched by your eyeball like a freaking hawk. You are obsessively checking it every 60 seconds to see if this dude has reached out to you. As soon as you have given up all hope and you're about to stuff your pie hole with Oreos and write this guy off, thank Jesus lawd, he finally texts you. You guys talk nonstop and you're waiting on pins and needles for him to ask you out. At this point, you may already be telling coworkers you have met the love of your life, you guys want 3 kids together, and are going to move to the suburbs for the better schools... because we are women, we dream up things that aren't real and we are crazy. He finally musters up the courage and motivation to ask you out, you guys meet at some chain restaurant, (shoot my rolling eyeballs off) and so it begins.

Fast forward- it's 6 months into your relationship, and the real man, or lack there of, is coming out. You're having to nag at him to treat you nicely, check in with you on occasion, put some sort of minimal effort in your relationship, and the man that you thought he once was has somehow vanished and you're with this guy who treats you half-ass and could care less about how he treats you. He doesn't remind you how special you are, puts no energy into your relationship, and you honestly can't trust him when he goes out, or out of town without you. The guy you were once super pumped about catching is now your boyfriend, and you've just realized, he isn't much of a catch at all; in fact, he's a floppy, gross, not-even-pretty fish that is all yours to call dinner.

Breaking news: this moment in your life is critical. You have come to the d-bag relationship fork in the road, welcome. I have been here too many times, and it makes me want to literally poop myself with anxiety thinking of it, so I'm sorry you're there. If you take a left, you wish him well, break up with him, and find a real man who knows what it will take to make you happy, and is willing to treat you so. If you go to the right, you stay with him. You put up with the crap, the immaturity, the arguing, with having to basically remind him to be occasionally nice to you, and before you know it, you guys have been together for a few years and you are emotionally attached to a man that could be happy with or without you.
Unfortunately, because we like to learn the hard way in our 20's, we go to the right a lot of the time. We give him the benefit of the doubt because we are comfortable with him, because we think we could be the exception to changing his bad behavior and we have a conversation with him.. maybe 25 conversations with him, and he totally gets it and changes...for about a week. You tell all of your girlfriends that he's different, that you really think that you're on track to the successful relationship station and you're so happy...for about a week. But, before you know it, you're back in the same spot with loser treating you so-so, and it's Friday night, and you find yourself crying in your closet on the phone with your best friend, because it's 3 am and he's not picking up his phone after a night of drinking with his buddies because he, "needed a guy's night out." *DON'T get me started on this- I could write an entire blog post dedicated to the BS-ness of that saying. Having some beer with a guy friend? Absolutely. Going out for a night on the town every other weekend without you- hell naw girl*.

This is going to sting a bit, but there is something you must know- you are not the exception..not because you aren't the absolute best or beautiful enough or smart enough, or are not capable or being the reason that someone changes for the better, but because people only change if they want to, and people that don't treat you well usually don't have the motivation to.

Don't lose your cool: I am here with good news. I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way it has to be. You can pick yourself up, wipe that mascara off your face, and actually move on. There are, in fact, men available who are faithful, good-hearted, successful, fully-capable of loving, as well as, attractive, sexy, and intelligent. I can now say, with literally angels singing hallelujah and doing cartwheels in the background, I am living proof that you can have this horrible experience ^^ in a relationship, or numerous relationships for that matter, and end up breaking them off, healing, and finding a man that is ridiculously head over heals for you, because I have done this. His name is Mitchell. He is hilarious, adorable, so loving, intelligent, incredibly faithful, opens my car door, brings me flowers, takes me to special dinners and events, plans the future with me, and puts thought into making me feel everything I have ever wanted to feel and some. He is the kindest man I have ever met (which is one of the absolute most important traits to find in a human you want to love forever), and I, for a damn change, feel incredibly lucky to be with him.

The reason I started this entire blog in the first place is because I was seeing an excruciating amount of men who felt entitled to date me, to treat me to THEIR minimal standards, who didn't believe or sure as hell practice courting me/making me feel special. I, for at least a short period of time, allowed them to treat me so, and I wish I could have had the experience and excuse my french, the balls, to cut off the past relationships of men who instead of dying to be with me, only deigned to.
If you find yourself at this fork in your relationship, or maybe you're way past it and you've gone down the beaten path of a bad relationship, I am here to tell you, to beg you, to get out of it and run. Save yourself, your time, and most importantly, save your heart. There are men out there who want to make you feel as though you hung the moon because they actually believe you have done so. If we can just learn a little bit more quickly how to  spot the losers and then break the cycle of bad relationships, it'll only be a matter of time before each of us finds a human, our human, that will show us how truly incredible love can be.

XX,
Kathryn Lane

Perfectly happy with being imperfect.

"I am interested in imperfections, quirkiness, insanity, unpredictability. That's what we really pay attention to anyway. We don't talk about planes flying; we talk about them crashing"

I am an incredibly flawed, very weird human being. I laugh at boobie and fart jokes and I get an odd pleasure out of seeing people trip, especially if they're on some contraption with wheels. I cannot pronounce the words, "napkin" or "massage" correctly, and I have tons of great ideas that never actually turn into anything. I have a birth mark on my shoulder that looks like an intense rug burn, and I have probably never ever worn matching socks because I always seem to lose one. Every Christmas I get into trouble with my dad for making inappropriate sugar cookies, but I risk the consequence every year because I know it makes my mom and sister laugh. Speaking of the holidays and gift giving, if I actually get you one, I procrastinate to the very last minute to do so and run around like a mad woman stressing myself out to find you the perfect gift, but I never do it differently. Last year, I was kicked off my kickball team and asked to cheer on the sidelines because of my athleticism, or lack there of. I dance like a weirdo alone in my house as well as out on the town, and I fall flat on my face at least once a week, maybe that's why I get pleasure out of seeing people do the same. I say things like 'wiener' and 'butthole' regularly to make people giggle, and have a zero percent filter rate so i'll probably embarrass you at some point. I sleep horizontal on my mattress, will kick you during the night, and I can't fall asleep unless the TV is on because silence scares me at night. One of my default shows is Cops, and I have seen every episode of Friends at least four times. Often, it will take me 30 minutes to figure out what to order at a restaurant, and I may even change my mind after doing so. I have stained at least half of my wardrobe with food, and I will definitely be the one to knock a glass of red wine over onto your new rug, (that literally just happened). I should be in better shape, and was recently told that I needed to 'tighten up' to continue taking professional photos, but I have a sweet tooth that could actually murder the tooth fairy. I constantly try and remember to pray, and unfortunately only do about half of the time. I rarely find a book that interests me enough to finish, and small politics talk tends to bore me.  I forgive too easily, I get hurt often, and I build up walls so high that it will be difficult for someone to actually knock them down. I am not well spoken, I would not consider myself poised, I am far from perfect, I am flawed. 

I may not be elegant or perfectly articulate, and I may never be able to wear white without putting a new stain on it, but I am goofily odd, forgiving and loving, and confidant in who I am and who I am not. I am flawed, I am broken, and I am worthy of being who I am without regret. 

 Take your flaws and own them. Love your quirks and weird tendencies that you make you unique. What's fascinating about the world we live in is everyone is an individual. We all have things we excel at, and others that are foreign to us or maybe we aren't so good at. But, by accepting our imperfections, we should be able to do the same in others.
I hope you find that you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are sure as hell good enough. And if you already know that, or when you do learn it,  my hope is that we will all help instill it into other women and each other as well. With that being said, I am not suggesting to be friends or commit to people that go against your non-negotiables or are unhealthy for your life, or that if there are behaviors or things that bother you about yourself, not to work on them- I am simply encouraging you to take a step back and give yourself, as well as others, a bit more grace. By doing that, I feel it will eventually lead to a deeper and more authentic understanding of absolute love.

“I don't know. Just because someone's pretty doesn't mean she's decent. Or vice versa. I'm not into appearances. I like flaws, I think they make things interesting.” -The Truth About Forever

There's no need to be perfect in inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections. 

"... imperfection is beauty, madness is genius. And it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. And when it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I am already better than them" -Marilyn Monroe



XX,
Kathryn Lane
www.babehairbootcamp.blogger.com